


Lost & Found

by Mischel



Series: Supernatural s12 Codas [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bunker, Cas in Dean's clothes, Castiel is alive again at the end, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Coda, Cute, Dean's Room, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Fluff, Episode Tag, Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Family, First Kiss, Human Castiel, Human Castiel in the Bunker, M/M, Mary knows, Pain, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Sam Knows, Season Finale, Season/Series 12, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Castiel, Spoilers for Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, cas returns to his family, dean cries, dying is exhausting, hug, jack brings cas back to life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-11-30 03:17:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11454858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mischel/pseuds/Mischel
Summary: My take on what happens right after the episode 12x23 All Along the Watchtower. Dean's POV, Mary's POV and Sam's POV.Destiel. Jack brings Cas back to life.(wow I really suck at summaries today huh)update: I managed to make it even more painful so now there's chapter 2 to fix it (Destiel fluff at the end) <33





	1. Lost

It's cold.

And it's late.

_He doesn't care._

Dean doesn't even know how long he's been sitting there. The sight of the pattern of Cas' wings burned into the sand is a memory he doesn't want to have. A memory he doesn't want to relive every night. But it's there. Permanently imprinted into his brain, not ever going away. Even if Cas comes back, it'll always be there, haunting Dean like a ghost.

The tears on his cheeks are cold, silently dripping on his jacket. He hears himself sobbing as if from a distance.

He feels  _numb_.

When he reaches for Cas' hand, carefully letting his fingers brush against his, they're cold as well. He leans down and presses Cas' hand to his mouth, giving it a kiss while closing his eyes. Once he closes them, he feels like he can't ever open them again.

The reality feels like a dream. But he knows it's real. And then if he falls asleep tonight, his dreams will feel like the reality – too painful. Both are the same. And both suck. He just wants to escape this, this moment. But he  _can't._

He's still kneeling next to Cas' body, praying for a miracle and holding his hand so tight that his knuckles turn white. Gently, he lays his head on Cas' chest. It makes him feel even worse.

Because  _this_ , he could have had it. If he just had the guts to admit it and tell what needed to be told between them, if he held Cas' hand like this before it was too late... he'd get to do  _this._  To lay his head on his angel's chest and stop caring about the world.

But now that he's lying there, Cas is all he can think about. Cas was his world. Still is.

And he doesn't know if he can live on without him.

"No! Jack! Please stop!" He hears his brother's voice and remembers that Sam left him alone. Of course he left. He wanted to leave Dean alone, give him a moment of privacy. He was an amazing brother.

But now because of him, Dean is forced to open his eyes again and face the reality. Face the world without his angel by his side, only with his brother and mo- oh. She's gone too.

"Jack!"

Dean raises his head and doesn't look down on Cas' face. He keeps his eyes shut until he knows for sure it'll be only Sam he'll see.

What he sees is his brother, running across the sand towards the lake, chasing the nephilim. But then suddenly a portal to another world opens again and the nephilim is gone. Sam stops abruptly and looks at Dean, who's still not standing up. He can't get his legs to work and he's not sure if there's a point anymore.

But the portal is open again.

xoXÖXox

"No!" Lucifer screams as Mary watches the portal disappear in front of her eyes. Her only way back home, to her boys, is gone forever and she's alone in an alternate reality with the Devil himself. A fallen angel, the Morning Star, who's killed one of her boys tonight and was planning to do more.

Mary slowly stands up as Lucifer's eyes fall on her and glow red. He's angry now. Before that he was just cocky, but now he's enraged and Mary is sure she will not survive this. But that is okay. She's saved her sons, hopefully saved the world and now it's her price to pay for being alive when she shouldn't have been.

The balance will be restored again.

"You." Lucifer's eyes are still red and he's slowly moving towards her. Her only weapon are the brass knuckles, but they won't do much against him. This is her end. The end of Mary Winchester.

She straightens up and smiles. "I saved them." She says. "And now there's no way for you back."

Lucifer isn't smiling. "Lucky for you, there's no way back for you either." He snarls.

Mary drops the knuckles to the ground and shrugs. "But unlike you... I don't care." It comes out as a hiss and for a brief moment she's proud of herself – she punched the devil and now is standing up to him. Something she never thought she'd do.

When Lucifer hears her response, he growls and raises his hands in her direction, his eyes glowing again. Then he suddenly smiles. "Oh, this will hurt, mommy. And you won't die unless I want you to."

A loud thunder right above them interrupts them both and they almost get blinded by white light. When Mary opens her eyes again, there are dozens of people all standing around her and around Lucifer. Before she can really take a look at them, they all turn to Lucifer and stop paying attention to her, as if they couldn't even see her, as if she was no one.

"What are you doing here, brother?" One of them says. "You are supposed to be in the cage."

Lucifer raises his eyebrows and looks around at all of them. They look strange, but even Mary figures out they're angels of this world. When Lucifer notices that too, he laughs. "Aw, look at that. Daddy's boys, all gathered to get rid of me." Then his smirk disappears and his eyes turn red again. "You won't succeed."

"We've succeeded before." An angel in a female vessel tells him and walks over to him.

Lucifer smirks and raises his hand. Then he snaps his fingers, expecting her to explode, but the angel continues walking as if nothing happened. Lucifer frowns and when he tries to kill her again with the same result, his eyes widen.

"No, no, no, how are you doing that?" He smiles. It's brief and Mary can see panic in it.

But it's too late. The angel grabs his arm and looks him in the eyes. "You're going back." Then she looks him up and down and tilts her head slightly with a frown on her face. When she seems to figure out whatever she thought was wrong, she raises her two fingers to his forehead. "No matter what universe you are from."

With that Lucifer's eyes roll back and he falls to the ground. Two angels go pick him up and when Mary blinks, they're all gone.

She blinks again and then again, frowning. Did she just witness what she witnessed? Did that really just happen? Is she really still alive, saved by the angels from an alternate reality? She sighs and rubs her eyes, trying to figure out when exactly did she sign up for this when other hunters seem to have much more normal lives than the Winchesters, whatever the word  _normal_ in their community means. But what happened happened and now she's where she ended up, far away from her sons and from her home, with no way back, and with a really creepy alternate reality to face.

She picks up the brass knuckles again and looks around. The place looks  _dead._

Just as she's about to walk to the nearest corpse and find out whether the person is still alive, there's a strange sound coming from behind her. Her eyes widen when she recognizes that sound. She quickly turns around and smiles when she sees the portal again.

Still gold and orange, still glowing.

Without any hesitation she runs towards it and touches it, appearing on the other side within seconds. And as soon as she's back, the portal disappears again.

The first thing she sees is Sam's surprised smile and then she is yet again, enveloped in his large arms, wondering how did he ever grow up to be this tall. But one pair of arms is missing, and she feels the absence with every second passing by.

"Mom, you're back." Sam sighs, finally letting her go.

"I am." She smiles up at him.

"Did you see Jack? Lucifer's son? He went through the portal right before you appeared here." Sam tells her, surprising her.

She shakes her head with a frown on her face. "No, as soon as I saw the portal, I ran back."

Sam nods and then his smile disappears as well. He looks down and swallows, moving out of her way so she can finally see what she couldn't before. It's her oldest son, kneeling next to a body, his fingers interlocked with the angel's. Her eyes widen when she finally realizes what happened. She couldn't think about it before, she only saw Lucifer and Sam with Dean. But now? She allows herself to see Castiel as well, lying on the ground, his body cold.

When Dean looks at her, he looks broken, shaken to the core. His face is wet and he keeps staring at her with wide eyes, as if not sure where to look and where he wants to look. When she takes a little step towards him and whispers his name, he blinks and his eyes wander around until they eventually settle on Cas again.

Mary can feel Sam's gentle hand on her shoulder and she glances at him. His lips are a tight line and his expression tells her everything she needs. Cas was family. He's been there for them when she wasn't, and now he was gone, his wings forever imprinted into the ground around him.

She silently approaches Dean and kneels down next to him, looking at Castiel's lifeless face. When she looks at Dean, his lips are trembling and his eyes aren't leaving the angel in front of them. With a hard swallow, Mary puts her hand on Dean's shoulder and squeezes. He doesn't hold her hand. He doesn't say a word. He just rubs his thumb over the back of Cas' palm, their fingers still interlocked, and he closes his eyes, bowing his head, his sobs shaking his whole body.

Mary didn't know Castiel much. But as soon as she saw her son embrace him the first time she met the angel, she knew he was there to stay. Castiel was family after all. A Winchester.

And seeing him there, lying on the ground, she knows she's lost one of her boys.

xoXÖXox

Dean refuses to burn the body. Sam knows he could have expected that, but it still hurts him to hear Dean's shaky voice tell him that there was no way they were doing that  _now_. He knows that Dean needs time and when Mary eventually looked at Sam, still kneeling next to her oldest son, he shook his head and wiped his tears.

Eventually, Mary stood up and left Dean on the ground with the body. She went over to Sam and together they entered the house again, busying themselves with digging a grave for Kelly. They lowered her body into the hole in the ground while Dean grieved, his sobs quieting down.

But the grave was finished now and Kelly rested in peace.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" His mom asks and Sam shakes his head again.

"I don't know." He answers. His voice is quiet and full of sorrow. He just lost his best friend, almost his brother, and he doesn't even know if  _he_  can be okay eventually. Maybe he'll feel better and get over it with time, but Dean? That will be much harder. And he's worried his brother won't ever be the same.

Mary nods and looks at Dean, who is slowly reaching for Castiel's body, lifting him up. When Sam notices that, he quickly hurries to help him, but it's no use. Dean doesn't want help and he manages to get Cas in the back of the Impala on his own.

"Dean?" Sam asks when he sees that his brother keeps Cas' head in his lap and is sitting in the backseat too. But Dean doesn't answer, only runs his fingers through Cas' hair and then he stops, knowing that both Sam and Mary can see him. He turns away and looks out of the opposite window.

Sam nods silently and gets to the driver's seat, waiting until Mary's sitting next to him. "We're going home." He tells her and she nods, glancing at her oldest son in the mirror whose eyes are closed and then tearing her gaze away, not being able to watch Castiel's dead body.

.

.

.

Dean doesn't talk.

He doesn't say a word the whole ride back to the partly destroyed bunker, and he keeps silent even after he drags Cas's body back to his own room.

But it's when he doesn't talk for two days when Sam starts getting really worried. Dean barely left his room – Sam knows he leaves his room at night to get more books and probably reads so much, trying to find out how to bring Cas back, that he doesn't even have time to leave his room during the day  _or_  talk. But when Sam went to check on him, he saw that he put Cas' body in his bed and slept in his chair.

It's happened before. Once. When their mom died when they were still kids, Dean didn't talk for weeks.

Dean doesn't eat either.

When Mary brought him his favorite pie to his room, he barely touched it and didn't even look at his mother.

That's why it's such a surprise when Sam looks up and sees Dean slowly approaching him and Mary in the library.

They were talking about him and Castiel before they stopped and both looked up at Dean.

"How long have you known Castiel exactly?" Mary asked when they were still alone.

Sam looked up from his book on angel resurrection (and yes, he knew that he shouldn't play with witchcraft and that Dean's probably already gone through that book, but Dean was truly desperate and so far Sam only found out it was impossible unless done by an archangel or God anyway).

"Over eight years, I think." He told her.

After a moment of silence, Mary looked down and sighed. "I didn't get to know him much, but I miss him. He always seemed to be around here, with both of you. Watching over you."

Sam smiled at that, but that smile soon disappeared. "Yeah, Dean used to hate that. When he woke up and realized Cas has been watching over him the whole night." He looked up at Mary and nodded. "But that changed, obviously. He was like a brother to me, and..." He trailed off and looked down, wondering how to formulate what he wanted to say.

"And?" Mary asked.

"And... and to Dean, he was... he was much more." He answered finally and nodded, clearing his throat. He didn't know if Dean knew that Sam knew about his feelings, and he knew that Dean regretted not acting on them every second now because it was too late. He looked up at Mary again, only to find her nodding and looking even sadder than before. But her eyes told him she understood what he meant.

"I remember when I held John's dead body in my arms." She told him. "I thought I'd never be happy again, until..."

"Yeah," Sam pursed his lips, knowing well that uncovering these painful memories was... well, painful.

"Yeah." Marry nodded.

That was when Dean walked up to them and stopped right in front of the table.

He's still standing there, not looking at his family and Sam can see the pain in his brother's every breath. It makes him so sad to see him like this, especially when he knows that Dean and Cas never really got a chance to talk after Cas left.

Finally, Dean looks up and opens his mouth. Nothing comes out, but both Sam and Mary are patient. They know how hard this must be, especially when this time Cas died permanently, with an angel blade and his wings burned to the ground and everything. The book Sam's reading is thin and holds minimum of information gathered by the Men of Letters, and Dean's already read everything he needed to know that this was the end. And Rowena, maybe the only person who could help them, is dead too.

Dean clears his throat and closes his eyes briefly. Then he looks into Sam's eyes and nods a little. "We'll bury him behind the bunker in the forest." He tells them.

"Alright." Sam nods, glad that he hears his brother's voice. When he opens his mouth to say more though, Dean turns around and leaves, not saying anything else. Sam sighs and watches his brother disappear in the hall, on his way to his room.

This is way more painful than he thought it would be. Because if after two days all he got from Dean was one sentence, he can't imagine what state Dean would be in once Cas is buried.

When he looks back at the book in his hands, closes it and then looks up at Mary, he sees tears in her eyes. She's still watching the hall where she saw her son disappear into.

xoXÖXox

It's middle of the night and he's holding a shovel that Sam gave him. He hasn't started digging yet though because all he can do is watch Cas's face and try to memorize every little curve he sees, every tiny wrinkle.

He can't believe that in a few short moments – once he starts helping Sam and his mom, and he  _will_ help with the digging – that Cas will be gone forever. Buried in the forest, six feet under.

Dean only wants to keep the trench coat.

He grips the handle of the shovel more tightly and turns away from the body, finally facing the hole in the ground. He's surprised when he sees it's almost finished. He doesn't even know how long he spent just watching Cas, waiting for any little sign of life in his features and even after two days finding none.

Dean gets down on his knees and helps Sam and his mom and he doesn't stop until it's ready, now only waiting for the body.

"It's ready," Sam states and Dean nods, looking up at the ground where Cas' body rests lifelessly.

After a moment of silence, he climbs up the hole and slowly kneels down next to Castiel. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes briefly because this is exactly what happened when Cas died. He knelt next to him and grieved, and now, two days later,  _he's saying goodbye._

He lifts Cas' head and moves his arm under his shoulders, then he lifts his knees and stands up, keeping Cas in his arms. When he turns around, Sam and Mary are already looking at him, both miserable. Dean looks down at Cas' face that is resting against his shoulder and when even then the angel doesn't move, he walks over to the hole and hands Cas' body to Mary and Sam, who are still in the hole, waiting.

Dean stands up again and takes a deep breath, watching his brother and his mom lower the love of his life into the ground. There's no going back now. It's over. Maybe, some day he'll feel alright again, things will get back to normal. But then, for the first time he understands what is happening.

He watched the man he loves die.

_And there is no normal after that._

Then, all of a sudden, a golden light almost blinds them and they hear a noise that they all recognize. It's the sound of another portal to the alternate reality opening, right there in front of them in the forest.

When the light disappears and they're all able to look at the crack, they almost stop breathing with anticipation of what is about to come. Is Lucifer coming back? Is it Bobby or someone else from the parallel universe?

It takes a few seconds before anything else happens. But eventually, it's Jack who walks through the portal and as soon as he's there, the crack disappears behind him and they're all in the darkness of the night again, only illuminated by the full moon.

Dean immediately takes out his gun and points it at the nephilim, while Sam and Mary don't move because they're still holding Cas. They can't even reach for their guns!

But Dean doesn't see that. All he sees is Jack, the nephilim, Lucifer's son, and also the reason Lucifer wanted to stay in this universe and therefore killed Cas. If it wasn't for Jack, Cas would still be alive.

"Hello." Jack says, not looking very evil, but not looking good either. Dean still points his gun at him and he's still angry. And that feeling won't go away easily.

"What do you want?" He asks.

Jack looks at him and then sighs. "I ran away from you Sam because I needed to see my father." The nephilim turns to the younger Winchester instead. "I needed to see him for who he was, but all I found was rage, and a world at the brink of destruction."

No one says a word, and Jack sighs again.

"That's why I-"

"I asked  _what_ do you want?" Dean repeats his question, taking a little step forward and keeping his gun in the air.

Jack looks at him and then down at the hole in the ground. "I want my father back." He tells them.

"Well, bad news. You should have stayed where you were." Dean growls at him, yet again using his wit to hide his emotions. He's scared that Jack will attack and kill the rest of his family. He's Lucifer's son after all.

But all Jack does is that he shakes his head. "No." He answers. "Lucifer might be my real father, but all I could learn from him was hatred for humanity. And I can't hate something that I barely know. I..." He stops for a moment and then looks at Dean with such intensity that it almost makes Dean shiver. "I came for my chosen father. Castiel."

"No." Dean frowns. "No, don't you dare touch him! You hear me?"

"Dean." He hears Sam call his name. Dean doesn't care though and makes another step closer to the nephilim.

"Those weapons can't hurt me." Jack tells him and makes a few steps closer, stopping just a few feet in front of them. Dean knows Jack is right, but he fires anyway.

"I said don't you dare touch him." He repeats his warning, his voice breaking. Damn it, he didn't want to sound weak, but he really can't help it. The last he needs right now is some nephilim taking Cas away from him.

Jack tilts his head a little and purses his lips. "I can bring him back." He offers. "I need someone to teach me, Dean. And I've chosen Castiel even before I was born. I need to learn all about this world."

"You don't-"

"Dean!" Sam raises his voice again, this time making Dean look down at him. And he shouldn't have done that because looking at Sam makes him look at Castiel, who's still there, with his head in Sam's arms.

"What?" Dean snaps.

"Did you even listen to him?" His brother asks. "He can bring Cas back. Don't you want that?" When Dean doesn't say anything and only looks down, Sam continues. "And he just said that he wants to learn about this world. He doesn't want to destroy it, he wants to  _learn_ , Dean."

"He's Lucifer's son, Sam!" Dean shakes his head. "He's-"

"I'm not here to harm you." Jack interrupts him. "I'm here for my father and teacher. Castiel."

Dean looks at Jack again and frowns. Is this a good idea? He's  _desperate._ He wants,  _needs_ , to have Castiel back and if this is the way... but is it the right thing to do?

"Is this really a good idea?" Mary breaks the silence between them.

Sam looks at her and then at Cas' body. "I think we'll find out once it's done." He shrugs.

Dean keeps looking at Jack, trying to find anything that would tell him that this is a good idea. Anything that would tell him that he isn't about to do the stupidest decision of his life because he's long forgotten that  _what is dead should stay dead._  And he knows it's wrong to keep trying to save the people he loves, despite the possibility of another apocalypse. But here and now? Jack has the power to bring Cas back to him. Where are the consequences? If there are none, he has to take the chance.

Jack doesn't stop looking into his eyes either, until Dean slowly lowers his gun. He keeps it in his hand though and takes a step closer to the nephilim. He raises his finger at him and says, "one wrong move-"

"I know." Jack nods. And even though they both know that neither of the Winchesters has the power to even  _endanger_  Jack, he's glad that the warning works.

Jack walks over to the hole, and Dean takes Cas' body back into his arms, slowly laying him on the soft forest ground. With his head in his lap and his family around him, he waits for the nephilim to do what he needs to. Jack raises his hand and lays it on Cas' forehead, closing his eyes. Golden light emerges from his palm and connects both Cas and Jack in almost white glow that gets so powerful that Dean has to shield his eyes. When he opens them again and puts his hand down, his lap is empty and the nephilim is nowhere to be seen.

Castiel is gone.

.

.

.

"No!"


	2. Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So as I promised, here's the second chapter for my season finale coda. At the start of this chapter I was like yes this is amazing I feel so great right now and when I was writing the end, I was like meh this feels so OOC how am I even allowed to write fanfiction for this fandom? so I guess I'll let you decide :D
> 
> Oh and let's just pretend that Jack isn't naked anymore and found some clothes, okay? (Because I totally forgot about that) :D
> 
> Enjoy!

" _No!"_

It's the last thing he hears. Dean's voice. The last thing he'd ever want to hear if he ended up dead. But the pain in his chest is making him forget that, no matter how much he tries to cling to that thought. It's like it has its own sound too, and although he can't hear it, it's making Dean's voice quieter.

The white light is blinding, and he loses his sight of Sam and Dean with it. Funny. He'd want them to be the last thing he saw if he ended up dead too. He can feel something being  _ripped_   _away_ from him. It's  _burning away_.

His  _wings._

His  _grace._

That's when he realizes he really is  _dead_. And there's nothing else. Only  _darkness._  He doesn't hear a sound. But his mind is still there, with thoughts. Feelings.

_Where do angels go when they die?_

He hears Dean's voice again. It's faint. Almost like a memory - it is a memory. A little bit of warmth in the cold darkness. And yet it makes his stomach tight with anxiety.

_I'm not sure._

_I mean, they don't go to heaven, obviously. Not to hell either, and purgatory is for monsters, so... where do you think they go?_

_They?_

Oh right. He was human when Dean asked him this question. It didn't make it any easier to answer though.

Castiel can't hear Dean's voice anymore and he feels as if the darkness was swallowing him up. He keeps shrinking and he's smaller and smaller, occupying less and less space in the universe he loved so much.

_Everywhere?_

He answers with a thought. It feels like his last thought before he completely vanishes. But he still can't help but wonder – where is he? He's never been here before and he'd died many times. And the pain is gone. There's  _nothing_.

Not even molecules.

And then it occurs to him. He finally gets it. This is  _it._  This is  _death._ And it's permanent this time.

_Goodbye Dean._

.

.

.

A little bit a warmth in the cold darkness. A little bit of light and hope in the endless nothingness. He can't even hear his thoughts anymore, but there's something...  _tugging_ at him. Pulling him away from the peaceful emptiness.

And then there's pain again. His back hurts. His wings are gone and the grace he lost gets replaced by something that settles around his heart and doesn't leave. A  _soul?_

He feels like he's drowning again, but this time there's something pushing him towards the surface so he can breathe. And his thoughts are back. What's happening? Is this where angels go when they die and swim through to the end of the darkness?

And then the little bit of light turns into something much brighter.

_Hello?_

He hears a voice. It doesn't belong to Dean, or Sam, or Mary Winchester.

His body is aching and he realizes that he isn't floating anymore, he's lying on the ground. He groans and is surprised to hear his own voice.

"Castiel?"

Someone says again. Cas tries to move his hand and is pleased when it lands on his forehead. Under the cloak of his fingers, he dares to open his eyes for the first time. But the light is gone. And he removes his hand, taking in where he is and what's wrong with him. His body doesn't feel quite right.

He's lying on the forest ground and there are trees high above him. There's no sun. Where did the light come from then?

"Castiel? Are you back?" He hears the voice again and immediately follows it with his eyes. What he finds is a young man – almost still a boy – sitting on the ground next to him and looking at him with curious eyes.

"Yes." Cas answers, remembering the question he was asked. "I appear to be." He looks around and grunts again as he tries to sit up. The boy is there to help him and Castiel accepts that help, but he can't help but notice that he's lacking something.

He looks at the boy and... feels nothing. He doesn't know what time it is – something he's always been able to sense as an angel. His eyes widen. He's-

"You're human, Castiel." The boy tells him as if he was able to read his thoughts. Cas looks up at him and slowly stands up, towering over him. He looks around again, but there's no one else. He can see neither Sam nor Dean and it makes him worry.

Then it all comes back to him.

_Lucifer._

He was the one who killed Cas, which means that he must have gotten back to this universe. Which means that while he was already dead, Sam, Dean and Mary had to face the devil again. He didn't help the situation at all when he thought he could handle the archangel himself and keep him where they wanted him to stay.

"Who are you?" Castiel growls.

It's worse every time he's brought back to life. And this time it seems, he's lost his grace for good.

"I'm Jack." The boy answers.

Castiel stops frowning and tilts his head slightly. "The nephilim." He says. He tries to feel his power, but... no, there's just _nothing._  "How did you- Where are-"

"My mother is dead and you're the only one I've got left." Jack tells him. "You promised to take care of me, remember?" He smiles slightly. "I want to learn about the world, Castiel. I want to know what it's like out there among humans."

"Where are Sam and Dean? And their mother?" Castiel asks instead and is surprised that Jack frowns.

"They tried to bury you." Jack says.

"I was dead."

"But I brought you back."

"So I could be your... teacher?" Castiel asks, narrowing his eyes.

"You're like a father to me." Jack answers with a smile, but it still doesn't answer his previous question - where are Sam and Dea- "Lucifer loathes humanity, Castiel. And I want to learn something before I can decide what I think about them."

"Where are they?" He repeats his question, ignoring what Jack just told him.

"Will you teach me?" Jack asks instead. "You promised you would."

"I know I did." Cas nods as he looks around again. But he still can't see his friends, his _family._  "And I will keep my promise."

Jack nods. And before Cas can ask again, he gives him his answer. "I left them in the forest near their home. They're not my teachers, you are."

"I need to go back to them, Jack." Cas tells him and tries to leave, but his legs betray him and he almost falls to the ground if it weren't for Jack, supporting him.

"You're weak, Castiel." He says. "And I don't want them to teach me, you've walked among people and you've learned much about them. I know that. You can be my teacher."

"But I-" Cas pants as he sits back on the ground and closes his eyes, leaning against a tree. "I need them." He breathes out. "They're my family."

"Dean shot me." Jack frowns as he steps closer to him and puts his hands on his hips.

It makes Castiel smile. "That does sound like him."

"If he wants to kill me, how can he teach me?" The nephilim asks another question, but suddenly, Castiel feels too tired to answer. He just opens his eyes and keeps breathing, but Jack is patient.

"Do you want to hurt them? Do you want to destroy the world?" Castiel asks him, feeling a little bit better again. Being a human is confusing.

"No." Jack simply answers. "I want to learn."

"They're good people, Jack. They can't even hurt you, so why not come back to them?"

That makes Jack pause. "Why can't we just leave? I'll make sure you don't starve and you can teach me." With that, Castiel sort of remembers he's human now and that it's real. Why isn't he bothered by that thought? Maybe being an angel with weak grace was harder than finally letting go and becoming human... Maybe being human is what will finally allow him to rest.

"I can't just leave them." Castiel closes his eyes again and sighs. When he opens his eyes again, he's staring at the starry night sky. It's beautiful.

When he notices that Jack is silent, he looks at him again. The nephilim is frowning and Castiel can feel that he's confused. And he's not surprised. Jack has just been born – and must have grown up fast, just like Amara – and doesn't understand what having a family means. He doesn't understand love. He doesn't know that Castiel needs to let his family know that he's alive and human. He doesn't know that they, most of all Dean, need him too.

"You love them."

It's a little surprising when Cas hears that, but unlike him (not anymore), Jack can read thoughts. And he understands Castiel's need to see his family again.

"Yes." Cas tells him, sitting up again. He's hungry and sleepy, and really wants to go  _home_. He understands now that his home is with the Winchesters, so he adds, "I love all of them."

"No." Jack argues, coming closer to him. "Dean Winchester." He narrows his eyes. "You're in love with him."

Cas is quiet for a moment, but eventually he nods. There's no point in lying. "Yes."

"But he's human." Jack says, reminding Castiel that love shared between humans and angels is forbidden and that Jack is a brilliant example of that. But Dean and Cas would never be able to produce a nephilim anyway, so where's the problem with them being together?

"I'm human now too." Cas argues as he reaches behind and supports himself with his hand against the tree, slowly standing up again. If Jack isn't willing to take him back, he'll need to at least try to find his own way to the Winchesters.

"That's true." Jack nods. "I'm sorry, Castiel, but your grace is lost forever. I can't make you angel again."

For some weird reason, Cas smiles at that. "That's alright." He says as he takes Jack's hand again to stay upright. "Will you please take me back to them? I promise I'll talk to them so they won't try to kill you again."

Jack looks Castiel in his eyes and nods silently. "You're my teacher now, Castiel. And if that's what you wish, then I'll listen."

"Thank you." Cas answers.

Jack then takes a deep breath and in the next moment, Cas is flying across the forest.

xoXÖXox

_The last he needs right now is some nephilim taking Cas away from him._

And of course that's exactly what happens. Call it the Winchesters' luck, the universe's fucked up mockery, call it what you will. But Dean can't take any of that shit anymore. He's done. Why can't just one thing go right for him? Doesn't he deserve that?

The empty feeling in his heart is eating him alive and it  _hurts_. He keeps his hands where they are though because just a few seconds ago, that was where Cas' head lay. He's not there now. He's gone. Again.

"No," Dean repeats what he already yelled right after the glow disappeared. Right after his hope got torn apart by Lucifer's fucking kid. He allowed himself to believe for one second... and here are the consequences.

It's him on the ground, Cas gone, and an empty grave behind him.

"Dean," Sam whispers and he hears them getting out of the grave. "I'm sorry," He continues, but Dean doesn't care. "We'll find him, Jack wanted him to be alive so he's gotta be."

"Yeah," Dean whispers, but it sounds dead even to his ears.

Then the rage returns and he stands up abruptly. Why did he even allow that son of a bitch near Cas in the first place? Why did he-

Then the tears come. And before he knows it, he's grabbing the shovel and turning to his brother and his mom, who both look like crap. He's pretty sure he's worse.

He wipes his tears away and frowns. "This happened before." He tells them with a defeated shrug. "Cas being nowhere to be found, that's like every Friday night for us right? So what we do is that we go back to the bunker and go through the lore again and try to find whatever we can to bring him home."

Sam nods. "Yeah. Jack brought him back to life, that's got to leave a trace of some kind."

"It would." Mary agrees. "He's a nephilim."

"Right." Dean looks down and then turns away from them, not being able to look them in the eyes anymore. There's nothing to see anyway, it's all just  _pain._

So they follow him as he marches through the forest, back to their bunker. He's silent and they are too. He doesn't feel like talking anyway, he's pretty sure that whatever would leave his mouth would either be sobbing or endless curses, trying to get the nephilim to notice. But that doesn't really sound like a plan, so he keeps quiet and tries to keep his mind from freaking out that he might not ever see Cas again.

.

.

.

It feels like hours. He's still walking through the forest and he's still watching the ground moving under him as he keeps going forward, but it's only been a few minutes. The bunker isn't far away though so soon they'll-

"Dean!"

He halts so fast that he almost falls over.

That voice... Is it really him?

His fingers and lips tremble as he looks up, but what he sees is worth everything in the world. Cas is standing there, in front of him and alone, keeping a hand on a tree to support himself. And he looks just like he always did. Striped blue tie, trench coat, blue eyes and dark hair sticking out in every direction.

And God, how much Dean loves to hear that voice again.

"Cas!" He yells, almost tripping over the shovel that must have fallen out of his hands as he starts running.

He can see Cas smiling and feels a smile of his own, and it's the best feeling in the world.

"Dean." Cas reaches out his hand and Dean takes it without any hesitation, wrapping his other hand around Cas' shoulders and closing his eyes, burying his head in the crook of Cas' neck, breathing him in.

"You're alive." He whispers, his voice trembling as he feels Cas' hands on his back. As soon as his hand leaves the tree though, Cas can't keep himself up and they both collapse on the forest floor, still wrapped in a tight embrace.

"I am." Cas smiles. He moves his hands down to Dean's waist and Dean grins against his shoulder. It feels so great to hold Cas like this, without his head falling dead on his shoulder and his arms not moving.

"I can't believe you're back, Cas, you have no idea,  _no idea_ -" He stops himself and opens his eyes that are filled with tears, patting Cas' back and pulling away slightly so he can see Cas' tired eyes. "I thought I'd lost you."

"I know." Cas smiles. It's a sad smile though and Dean wishes he could do anything to make it disappear. "I'm human now though." Cas explains and before Dean can say anything else, Cas continues. "But I don't mind. I... missed PB&J."

That makes Dean laugh. He didn't think he'd ever laugh again.

"Cas!" He hears his brother behind him, followed by his mom. He lets Cas go and turns to look at them. They're both grinning and he's happy to see them like that. But Cas is still weak and Dean keeps his arm around his shoulders as he helps him get up.

"Hello Sam." Cas smiles and nods. "Mary."

"It's great to see you back, man." Sam smiles at him, rushing in to give him a quick hug before Dean drags Cas home. He obviously needs sleep. And some food.

"I'm glad you're back too." Mary smiles at him. Castiel nods again with a smile and looks at Dean, who's been staring at him the whole time. He knows he probably shouldn't, but he just can't help it. Cas is there with him, with his arm around Dean's shoulders and he's coming home with him. This time for good.

"Let's get you home." Dean smiles at him and beams when Cas smiles in return.

xoXÖXox

Castiel can't help but melt into Dean's side as the hunter takes his first steps towards the bunker. He knows there's Jack to talk about and he knows he should mention it, but when he closes his eyes and lets his head fall on Dean's shoulder, it's like everything else in the world stops existing. It's always been like that, but he's never really had the privilege to be this close to Dean for this long.

His hand is around Dean's shoulders and he can feel his fingers touching Dean's hand. It's like he's itching to touch him, but something is stopping him. He can't feel Dean's longing anymore because he's human, but before that, it was like a constant reminder that he was alive. Dean's longing has always been there, but it's gotten much stronger over the last few years. And now that he can't feel it, it feels like he's lost something. But Dean's still there and their hands are almost touching and he wonders if he should take the next step. If that's what's Dean been waiting for.

He tentatively stretches his fingers and lets them bump into Dean's. He can feel Dean's shoulders tense, but he doesn't drop his arm or do anything when Cas completes the move and joins their hands. Dean keeps walking and Cas can see a little smile playing at his lips. Then the hunter looks down at their hands and he turns his head to look at the former angel.

There's a question in Cas' eyes. Or at least he hopes there is. And with Dean's smile getting winder, he hopes the answer is  _yes._

But there's still something they need to talk about, something that feels like an end to this closeness and smiles and tight hand holding. He doesn't want to stop that, he wants to get as close to Dean as possible and close his eyes and sleep. He hasn't done that in a very long time. He wonders if he'll have dreams...

"Dean," he mumbles before he can change his mind. He knows Jack is behind them and that they need to talk about him.  _Now._

Dean's smile immediately disappears when he sees Cas' worried eyes. He stops walking, but lets Sam and Mary continue in their way. "What's wrong?" He asks.

"We need to talk." Castiel tells him and can feel how tense Dean is again. But this is not about what he thinks it is, this is something that might make Dean angry and he doesn't want to see him like that. But he has to. "It's about the nephilim."

Dean frowns and keeps looking into Cas' eyes. "What about him?" He asks, suddenly looking around. Cas hopes Jack doesn't come out yet, but in the moment he thinks that, Jack appears nearby and Dean holds Cas tighter.

"It's okay, Dean." Cas tries to reassure him. "He brought me back."

"I know." Dean doesn't look at Cas, he keeps staring at Jack and he reaches for his gun with the hand that's not holding Cas up. "And then he ran away with you." He adds.

"And you shot me." Jack says, for which Cas frowns at him. "I'm sorry." Jack offers then, but Cas knows Dean won't accept that. Not until Jack proves himself somehow.

"He's not evil." Cas sighs as he looks at Jack. "Dean," he waits until Dean looks at him and then continues. "I want to teach him about the world, just like you taught me." He says. "He doesn't have anyone."

"So you're telling me you trust him? You believe in him and all that crap from before?"

"Dean." Cas lowers his voice a little, squeezing Dean's shoulder. "He chose me." He simply says.

"And what, is that supposed to make it all okay? Is that supposed to give him a pass to the bunker and to our lives?" Dean asks.

"I see you're not ready to talk about me." Jack takes a step closer, which makes Dean's hold on Cas even tighter. Sam and Mary notice that they left them behind and are now walking back to them, noticing Jack is there too, and Cas knows now that it wasn't the brightest idea to mention the nephilim right now. He was getting more tired and this conversation was exhausting.

"Jack?" Mary asks as she finally gets close enough together with Sam.

"I'll return in the morning." Jack ignores them and disappears, making Cas let out a breath of relief. He knew he wouldn't avoid the conversation, but he's already started this and now Dean's grumpy.

"What was that about?" Sam asks, but Dean just shakes his head.

"Jack still wants Cas as a teacher." Dean answers eventually. "And Cas agrees."

"He needs to learn about the world somehow." Cas clarifies. Then he turns to Dean again. "He doesn't have to live in the bunker, I'm not asking you for that. What I'm asking is for you to give him a chance. He's just been born and doesn't have anyone, so I consider it a wise decision to give him the knowledge he wants instead of letting him get it from the wrong sources."

"You mean hell?" Mary asks. "Crowley is dead and Lucifer was... well, he ruled hell, right?" When Sam nods, she continues. "Jack might try to take over the throne in hell then."

"That wouldn't be great." Dean mumbles.

"Do you see my point now?" Castiel asks, but it comes out as a half-yawn, which surprises him. "I... apologize."

"Don't." Dean takes his hand in his again and his other hand wraps around his waist. That makes Cas smile despite their audience. "You need sleep, sunshine." Dean says, which earns him another smile from Cas and raised eyebrows and glances from the rest of the family.

"So... " Sam clears his throat. "Jack?"

Cas looks at him, embarrassed a little. "I'll teach him. He asked me to."

Sam nods. "Great, so that's settled. Dean?" He asks, looking at his older brother and searching for a sign of approval or rejection.

"Alright." Dean sighs. "The kid did bring you back. But let's just take it easy and be careful, okay?"

"Sounds reasonable to me." Mary smiles.

"Let's go home then." Sam repeats and they start walking again.

Cas slowly lays his head back on Dean's shoulder, testing if he's still allowed to do that even after the conversation they just had. Dean glances down at him and gives him a smile, which makes Cas' heart swell with happiness. He thinks, that if he's still dead and this is in fact, where angels go after they die... he'd be happy.

But hearing his and Dean's hearts beating in sync proves that this is real.

.

.

.

When they get back to the bunker, there isn't much to do. Sam was carrying both his and Dean's shovels and right after they get home, he goes to return them to wherever he found them, together with Mary. And after hearing their goodnights from the hall, Cas realizes that this is the moment he's been waiting for - he can finally rest now. The bunker is closed and quiet, and all his family is inside, safe and sound.

Dean leads him to Cas' room and stops in the doors, looking inside. "You know... I came here to look for you after you came back. We've found something, but when I came here... you were gone."

"I'm sorry, Dean." Cas says. He did it to protect him, to protect all of them. But Dean was right. That was not his job. He should have told them because as Dean said, they're just better together. Team Free Will.

"I'm glad you're back here." Dean nods, smiles at him and pulls away slightly, letting his arm drop from Cas' waist. He turns to him and then looks at the room, smiling. "Yeah, there's no place like home, right?"

"Actually," Cas bites his lip slightly and then looks up at Dean, whose eyes are already boring into his, asking what's wrong "If it's not a problem..." Cas continues, telling himself that this is now or never. If the hand holding and smiles earlier meant something, then it was that it's the right time to finally do this. "I'd like to spend the night in your room." He almost stutters as he manages to get the words out.

This is the moment that Cas misses not being an angel anymore the most. He knows he promised Dean to not ever read his thoughts again, but he'd give anything to know what Dean's thinking right now.

"Okay, sure." Dean smiles slightly and clears his throat, slowly putting his arm around Cas' waist again and turning around, leading him back to his own room.

Cas knows Dean's bed is big enough for both of them. He used to lie there when Sam and Dean disappeared for weeks and they couldn't find them. He used to close his eyes with his head on Dean's pillow, trying to imagine that Dean was lying there next to him.

He didn't think that it could actually happen one day. And that that day was today.

"Welcome to my room," Dean announces as they enter the dark empty room and doesn't even bother to turn the lights on. They're both exhausted and they both need rest, so Cas is sure nothing will happen between them tonight, certainly nothing which would require more energy than he currently has. But it's nice to know that he'll get to spend a night beside Dean Winchester.

"I know your room, Dean." Cas points out and he's pretty sure Dean is rolling his eyes.

"I know." He hears him say as Dean closes the door. He slowly leads him to the bed and sits him down.

"Well, I've got to change, so..."

"Don't worry, I'm not an angel anymore, I can't see anything." Cas assures him. He's not sure, but he thinks it's a smile that he sees on Dean's face.

"That's not what I meant." Dean says and from his tone he knows Dean really is smiling. "I wanted to ask if you needed clothes or if you were fine sleeping in that dirty trench coat and tie. I mean, that can't be comfortable, right?"

"Oh," Cas looks down at his trench coat and frowns. He can't see anything. "Do you have... anything that would fit?"

"Cas, buddy, that's like everything in here." Dean chuckles. "Let me see." He walks over to the bedside table and turns on the lamp so they're not in a completely dark room and then he moves to his closet, while Cas keeps sitting on the bed and only turns towards him. "Yeah, you can have this." Dean pulls out an old AC/DC t-shirt and holds it out in front of Cas so he can see it. "Like it?"

"It will be much more comfortable than my shirt." He smiles and slowly stands up. Before he can do that though, Dean rushes over to him and gives him the t-shirt himself.

"Careful," Dean comments when he sees Cas needs to sit down again. He really doesn't know how he managed to stand up right after Jack brought him back. He's lucky he manged to get back to the bunker with Dean, Sam and Mary.

"Thank you." Cas accepts the t-shirt.

"Don't mention it." Dean replies and goes back to the closet, finding his sleeping shirt.

They change in silence and as Cas notices, Dean decides to sleep only in his boxers. He doesn't think Dean owns anything besides jeans, so he assumes they'll both sleep without them. He removes his trousers and stays only in his underwear then, leaving the trench coat and the rest of his clothes on the bedside table.

When Dean looks over at him and sees that he's done, he closes the closet and pulls back the covers, turning off the light. They both slip under the blanket and fall into an awkward silence. "You good?" Dean asks when he turns towards Cas. Cas is looking at Dean's dark face and moves to his side, getting comfortable.

"Yes." He yawns again and hears Dean chuckle.

"Alright, enough talking, you need sleep." Dean tells him as he moves a tiny bit closer. Cas can feel the heat radiating from his skin and he's sure that if he moves his leg just right- yes, their legs are touching under the blanket.

"I don't want to talk." Cas mumbles. It's all good signs, right? The hug, the trip back to the bunker, the fact that they're both half naked under the covers,  _in the same bed_. Dean doesn't move his leg away and Cas has enough knowledge from Metatron to know what this all means. He's always knows what it all meant. "I just want to do something I should have done long ago."

He moves closer and carefully reaches his hand for Dean's... he finds it under the blanket and when he looks back up, Dean's eyes are sparkling like diamonds. He's never been more beautiful than he is right now.

 _You're in love with him_. Jack told him. And he was right. This is the proof.

"Is this okay?" Cas asks and he isn't even sure when did his talking turn to whispering, but Dean doesn't seem to mind when he nods.

"Just shut up and kiss me."

When Cas hears Dean's response, he can't help but grin. Dean leans closer to him and Cas meets him in the middle with his lips on Dean's, making sure that their first kiss is as long as it can be. It has everything. Soft lips against lips, tiny moans when Cas lets Dean open his mouth and hands,  _oh the hands_. They're like a second blanket, all over Cas - his shoulder, then neck and cheek and then on his waist and shoulders again. He doesn't even know where his hands are, but he's pretty sure one of them is tangled in Dean's hair.

When they part again, Cas feels both like the kiss exhausted him and like he's got more energy than before. It's a strange feeling, but when Dean leans in for a second kiss and Cas yawns in the middle of it, he knows that sleep is what he needs more right now.

Dean is laughing next to him. "Okay, angel-"

"I'm not an angel anymore, Dean." Cas reminds him in case he forgot.

"I know." Dean smiles. "Okay, no more talking now. Let's just sleep, what do you say?"

"We weren't talking though." Cas smirks and lays his arm over Dean's waist, burying his head in Dean's neck and chest.

"We can continue that tomorrow." Dean offers, kissing Cas' hair.

"I'd like that." Cas answers as he closes his eyes.

"Goodnight, Cas."

"Goodnight, Dean."

With that, they both smile and yawn, the sound of each other's heartbeat lulling them to sleep. And there's nothing better in the world than falling asleep next to the love of your life after your first kiss. For the first time in a while, he feels  _content._

_Are angels capable of falling in love, Cas?_

He hears Dean's voice from his memories. He smiles as he remembers that moment.

_Yes. Some of them are._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I managed to fix it and that you liked at least the ending! (And I'm sorry if I made it even more painful at the beginning!) Thanks for reading and as always, please let me know what you think, thanks! :)
> 
> This is the last fanfic in this series though, so see you in a few months in another coda series for season 13! :D

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> I know, I know, I'm sorry for not fixing it like you probably expected I would, but I think that Cas and Dean should stay seperated for a little while. If they get back right in 13x01, fine, but I think that would be too soon. Just think about it - the longer Dean's without Cas, the better their _"oh my god you're alive"_ hug will be :D
> 
> Please tell me what you think and if you want me to continue this, thanks! :)


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